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This Week's Broadcasts
Does commitment mean the end or beginning of freedom? Many people fear commitment, but can a relationship survive without it? Marriage is a commitment. A commitment to each other. To love each other no matter what. To be there for each other no matter what. "As long as you both shall live."
Then they are no longer two people, but one. And no one should separate a couple that God has joined together (Matthew 19:6 CEV).
Some see this as losing freedom. But a marriage commitment based on God's principles can actually be a step into freedom. Freedom in knowing that you and your spouse are there for each other from now on. Freedom in knowing that you are entering into a process of building your lives together. Some worry about losing their identity. In truth, our real identity is in Christ. When we commit our life to Him, we become His child and heir to all that God has. And we become free to grow and to use our God-given gifts. Commitment to a marriage partner further expands our horizons as we encourage and support each other to develop and use our gifts. To discover God's purpose for our lives and to accomplish that purposetogether.
Many people today see commitment as a bad thing, something to be avoided at all cost. But a meaningful relationship can only be formed when both parties are willing to commit to it. And by giving their best, they can both find new freedom in that relationship. Some couples choose to live together without making a marriage commitment. The relationship usually ends in heartache for one, if not both, of them. In fact, the likelihood of divorce within the first ten years of marriage is almost twice as high for those who cohabitated before marriage as for those who did not. Commitment in marriage means more than satisfaction of sexual needs, companionship or a trial run. It is a special union instituted by God. Without the benefit of marital boundaries, there is confusion in a relationship. And that confusion ultimately leads to pain for the couple as well as for any children who may be involved. When a married couple commit themselves to each other in love, respect and honor, a "miracle of relationship" can develop. Even though struggles are a part of marital growth, couples and children can mature from the disappointments. Far from being old-fashioned, more and more people are seeing the value of marriage. Cohabitation, by its very nature, is a "what's in it for me" type of relationship. In a godly marriage, both partners enter the union wanting to give ... rather than trying to get. There is a freedom in this kind of relationship that can never be found outside of marriage.
A commitment to effective communication is vital for a healthy marriage relationship. The Bible tells us to speak the truth in love.
God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love - like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do (Ephesians 4:15 MSG). Learning how to express yourself with I-messages rather than you-messages is a positive approach to communication when settling differences. You-messages come across as being judgmental. "You just don't care," "You are a problem," "Can't you ...?" or "You are so ..." This type of message may cause your spouse to feel put down, rejected or unimportant. And he or she will probably respond defensively. An I-Message tells how you feel rather than pointing an accusing finger at your spouse. "I feel very angry because . . ." I feel rejected because . . ." I feel hurt because . . ." This type of message helps to communicate your feelings without strengthening the defenses of your spouse. I-messages deal with facts rather than evaluation. They communicate honesty and openness and do not attack your spouse's self-esteem. Using I-messages can help you and your spouse settle differences in a more positive way and open the doors of communication in your marriage.
Some marriages with no major problems get into trouble because of an accumulation of little things. The Bible says that it's the "little foxes that ruin the vineyard."
Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom (Song of Solomon 2:15 NIV). Make a commitment not to ignore the little foxes in your marriage: being thoughtless or preoccupied, forgetting special days like anniversaries and birthdays, criticizing, taking your spouse for granted. The little foxes may seem unimportant, but they can eventually knock a marriage and family relationship off its feet. I encourage you to go on a "fox hunt." Are you letting any foxes loose in your marriage? Are you spending time with your spouse or has busyness taken over? Do you really listen to her or him talk? Do you continue the little habit you know irritates your spouse? With God's help, identify the little things before they become big things. And then stay on the alert. Do an occasional fox hunt to be sure pesky little habits aren't creeping up on you. And replace the destructive little foxes with little acts of love. Plan a surprise dinner for two. Buy a sentimental gift. Join your spouse in one of his or her favorite activities - even if it's not your thing. These little acts of thoughtfulness can help a marriage thrive.
One of the most important commitments you can make as a couple is to set aside time each day for family prayer. Prayer is the very fabric that will hold your marriage and family in the loving hands of God. Although prayer is not limited to certain places, having a special place for family prayer, a family altar, can leave a lasting impression on family members. Consider designating a certain room or piece of furniture as a place where the family assembles to pray at a specific time every day. You can find many reasons not to make this commitment: overworked schedules, television, fatigue and all kinds of distractions. There is always something else that you need to be doing. But if you will make this commitment to prayer a priority, you will see a difference in your marriage and, if you have children, in all your family relationships. It is an expression of your total dependence on God. It is an expression of caring for each other. It opens the door to real communication. And, most importantly, it honors God.
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful (Colossians 4:2 NIV). I encourage you to agree as a couple to make family worship a part of your life. Structure your prayer time in a way that best fits your lifestyle. And then do it. You'll be glad you did.
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